The Beginning Of Our Story

I am very new to this whole blogging thing. Please excuse the misspelled words and typos, especially in the first few as this is all very difficult to write out. It has been laid on my heart to share our family's story with our precious baby girl Mary. I don't even know where to start or even what words to say, but I feel like God will use our precious baby to give hope to other mommies who might be struggling or to bring joy to our family as they walk with us. 

Friday, May 8, 2015 our lives were forever changed. Sam and I had been so looking forward to our anatomy scan and preparing for our Gender Reveal on Mother's Day. We were excited to see our baby that actually looked more like a baby. We had it all planned out. After we finished the ultrasound, the tech was going to call Nani (my grandma) and tell her the sex. She would then prepare a box of balloons and surprise us on Sunday with the gender of our baby. I went in to the ultrasound worrying we wouldn't be able to see the sex of the baby and we would have to cancel the party. That was the worst thing I could imagine happening. Boy was I naive. May 8, 2015 will be a day that we will never forget. 

Sam and I walked into the ultrasound room so excited. I had to drink 32oz of water and hold it so I was a little preoccupied thinking about the discomfort I was experiencing. I laid down on the table and the tech put the warm gel on my belly. Right away we saw her. She looked so little and was in a tight ball. The tech almost immediately said, the baby is all bunched up, this could be difficult. She was moving the tool all around trying to get all the measurements she needed. She looked at the brain, she looked at the spine, but that was all she really could see. She stopped and said she was going to have to do the internal ultrasound because the baby was wrapped up too tight. She told me to go to the bathroom and relieve myself and come back and lay down. She would be back. At this point we still had no idea that she had seen very concerning things. We had heard a strong heartbeat so we were confident all was good.  When I was using the bathroom and changing she had gone to alert the doctor of some of her concerns. 

I got back on the bed and she started doing the ultrasound again. I looked at her in the eye and said "Don't you just love your job. It's full of so much happiness." It was then I saw the look on her eyes. She was looking very concerned. I finally asked if something was wrong. She responded with YES. I heart stopped and I stopped breathing. She then started to tell us what she was seeing. She said that the baby was measuring small. The baby had way too much fluid in its brain. The baby had something wrong with it's heart. The baby had something very wrong with it's bowels. It was then I told her to stop. I didn't want to see or hear anymore. She listened and started apologizing. Sam and I just sobbed. We didn't know what any of this meant, but we knew that it wasn't good. Once I was able to compose myself enough to walk to another room, we were escorted there and told to wait and the midwife would come in. She came in and starting tell us the same things again. She told us not to lose hope yet because we needed to see a Perinatologist. Our OBGYN office worked fast and diligently to get us an appointment Friday afternoon. They weren't sure it would be possible and that we might have to wait until Monday. I couldn't imagine that. Luckily they were able to get us in right away. 

We immediately drove to the office and my big sister (Sissy) and Sam's parents were with us. We had to wait a long time as they were squeezing us in. It felt like eternity. Finally we were called back. We were there for over an hour, with the ultrasound on my belly and we heard all the same things, in more detail, and given the very grim diagnosis. I am literally sick to my stomach as I write all of this out right now. The specialists told us she is almost certain it is Trisomy 13 or Patau's Syndrome. That would mean IF Mary makes it full term, she would probably only live a few minutes if that. Our chances of miscarriage/still birth are greater than 50%. My chances of  developing preeclampsia even as early as now is high. As we were having these horrible conversations, the ultrasound was on. There were times I couldn't even look at the screen because it hurt too much. It is seriously the worst pain I have ever felt. Then there were times I would glance up and see her tiny, perfect feet and legs moving ever so slowly. 

The doctor said the best case scenario would be that Mary has Trisomy 18 or Edward's Syndrome. This would give us up to a few years with our miracle baby. There are things you almost always see with Trisomy 18 that Mary doesn't have. We have hope though, we pray hard. I had blood-work done Friday, so hopefully we will have answers by Friday. We will see. Tomorrow we see a genetic counselor. 

I don't know what to say from here. I don't even know what to do when I finish this blog and close my computer. There are times I don't even know what to say to my amazing husband who hasn't left my side. My heart hurts. My stomach is so upset. I have never felt so awful in my life. 

What I do know is that every day I will fight. I will wake up, thank God for another day with Mary, take care of myself the best I can, and love my daughter unconditionally. Sam and I will pray hard for a miracle. We will prepare for the worst and hope for the best. We will do things we would want to do with her when she was born. We will live life to the fullest. 

Please join us in our journey as we take each day as it comes. Please join us in prayer. Please ask us how she is doing. Please keep her story going.  Please don't feel uncomfortable around us. Please hug us as we cry. Please support us on days that are just too hard. Please thank God for the beautiful children in your life! <3