Ever Changing Emotions

I woke up feeling better today. Ironically I woke up feeling nauseous, but emotionally I felt better. I welcomed the nausea as Mary saying "Good morning mommy, I'm still fighting." Today I started doing my own research. For almost the last week I haven't searched the internet. I have talked to many mommies with similar situations but that was the extent of my research. Today I wanted to know more. I am glad I did, but boy was it painful. I came up with a list of questions for our perinatal doctor. I called her office and the nurse I spoke with said she couldn't answer the questions due to the sensitive nature. She told me the doctor would call sometime today but that her schedule was very booked. I accepted that and went on with my day. It was only about 20 minutes later that she called back. She asked how Sam and I were doing and then preceded to tell me that she has never worked with a young couple who has such faith in a miracle. She said she hasn't been able to stop thinking about us. The doctor went on to say that she had been talking with other high risk doctors and specialists. She had reached out to Phoenix Children's Hospital and a specialty group of doctors have agreed to take on our case. This was an answer to our prayers! Phoenix Children's Hospital has the top doctors who will give our Mary the best fighting chance. Our doctor went on to say that she was going to turn our case over to another doctor in her office. The new doctor focuses more on brain abnormalities. I am really sad to say goodbye to her, but thankful she is putting us in the best hands! 

I stopped writing this blog earlier when Sam got home. We had planned on finishing our Thank You notes from our wedding. I know they are super duper late but at least they are done! I sat back down now to finish it, and I can't. I thought about just not writing today, but I knew I would regret that too. I'm not sure where my good, positive mood from earlier went, but its gone. Right now I am very, very sad. Tonight I'm just crying and I don't even really know why. Sam is playing his video games and usually I watch TV in the living room. Tonight I just need to be near him.  He has held me as I cried tonight. He has wiped my tears away. He continues to be my rock through all of this.  Tomorrow I will write about the encouraging new journey presented to us today. For tonight I find comfort in knowing God is in control and is crying right along with me. Tonight I find comfort in this song. 

Through All Of It

By Colton Dixon

There are days I've taken more than I can give

And there are choices that I made

That I wouldn't make again

I've had my share of laughter

Of tears and troubled times

This is has been the story of my life

I have won 

and I have lost

I got it right sometimes

But sometimes I did not

Life's been a journey

I've seen joy, I've seen regret

Oh and You have been my God

Through all of it

You were there when it all came down on me

When I was blinded by my fear

And I struggled to believe

But in those unclear moments

You were the one keeping me strong

This is how my story's always gone

I have won 

and I have lost

I got it right sometimes

But sometimes I did not

Life's been a journey

I've seen joy, I've seen regret

Oh and You have been my God

Through all of it

Through all of it

And this is who You are

More constant than the stars up in the sky

All these years of our lives, I

I look back and I see You

Right now I still do

And I'm always going to

I have won 

and I have lost

I got it right sometimes

But sometimes I did not

Life's been a journey

I've seen joy

I've seen regret

Oh and You have been my God

Through all of it

Oh and You have been my God

Through all of it

Oh and You have been my God

Through all of it