The Crazy Part of Time

It's hard to believe that tomorrow will mark four weeks since our lives changed forever. I think back over the last month and it seems like time has flown by, but yet at the same time, I can't believe it's only been one month. In the last month I have gone through so many emotional changes. I think it is safe to say that I am officially coming to terms with reality. While many see it as devastating, I am learning to love it. Sure, my heart hurts so much. I hate to think of all the choices we have to make still. I hate to think of the reality of what maternity leave may look it. I hate a lot of thoughts still, but I love carrying her. I am so thankful we have made it this far. I remember thinking, four weeks ago, that they doctors weren't sure we'd even make it to tomorrow's appointment. They said, if you make it, then we will do an echo of her heart. Guess what?! We have made it!! Thank you God for that. We have loved every minute of our time with Mary. Last night, we all fell asleep with Sam's hand on my belly. It was pure happiness. We were one, little happy family, snuggled together for the night. 

Tomorrow is our appointment with the new specialist. We have been turned over to this specialist because she focuses on babies with the types of abnormalities Mary has. I have heard nothing but great things. I pray this is true. Tomorrow we will have another level 2 ultrasound and a 3D ultrasound to get the best views. We are praying to see her other kidney (both in excellent condition), and her other hand and her little fingers, and her bladder. We will also look at her brain and heart again with this doctor as she is much more experienced. We ask you to join us in prayer for complete healing of Mary IF that is God's will, and some more specific requests. 
1. That my amniotic fluid continue to remain "normal". 
2. That Mary's kidney still looks great and is working perfectly. 
3. That we get answers in regards to her heart and bowels. 
4. A better understanding of what level of holoprosencephaly she has. 
5. That she is NOT still in the tight ball she has been in. 
6. A level of peace that only He can provide for Sam and me as we sit through another difficult appointment where they tell us again that she is "incompatible with life." 

That is a lot. But I have faith that our God can provide all of these. I also know that faith is sometimes not getting the things we want, and trusting anyways. Lastly, I ask you to join us in prayer that I can feel Mary move inside of me. I so badly long to feel her movements. I also want Sam to be able to feel her move. Such a simple thing, but yet it is SO big to us. 

But now, this is what the Lord says- he 

who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, 

O Israel: "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; 

I have summoned you by name; you are mine.

When you pass through the waters,

I will be with you; and when you 

pass through rivers,

they will not sweep over you. 

When you walk through the fire, 

you will not be burned;

the flames will not set you ablaze. 

For I am the Lord, your God, 

the Holy One of Israel, your Savior."

Isaiah 43:1-3