Unconditionally Loved: Baby Mary Margaret's Journey With Triploidy: July 2016

I cannot believe today marks 11 months since we held our precious Mary Margaret. How is that even possible? Every month is hard, but 11 doesn't seem possible. Next month, it will be one year. We will have lived a year with our daughter in heaven. That sucks. Even as we prepare for the arrival of Benjamin, we are reminded daily that our family isn't complete. We wonder what life would have been like if Mary was with us. We wonder what life would have been like if she didn't have Triploidy. We wonder what life would have been like if she did live WITH Triploidy. I hate that we will forever be left wondering, and having only one day, really one hour and forty-six minutes, to relive in our minds forever.

One year ago I was preparing to start the next school year. Today, I am doing the same. Last year we were celebrating that we had made it to the third trimester with Mary. I was wondering how my maternity leave would work out. I was worrying about who would cover my class when I was out. I had no idea that in one short month, way sooner than I would have ever wished, our lives would be changed forever. One year ago, I had no idea I had just one month left carrying my precious first daughter. It was and is a not-so-kind reminder that life is fragile and can change in a heartbeat! For the next month, I will be reliving the hardest moments of my life. The last month of my pregnancy with Mary was one full of heartache, hard conversations, harder decisions, and ugly truths. There were moments of hope and joy, but they were overshadowed by the heartache we were experiencing.

On August 13th of this year, we will celebrate Mary's first birthday. Instead of planning an adorable themed first birthday party, and planning a smash cake, I am wondering how I will survive the day. I am wondering what I can do to bring myself the most peace and calm. I am wondering if anyone will remember my Mary after we pass the year mark. I am wondering what in the world we will do to honor and remember our precious and perfect Mary Margaret. I have so many ideas. Some sound great at times, then a few hours or days later, they don't. The possibilities are endless, but nothing seems "good enough" to honor and celebrate such a precious miracle.

I have a favor to ask those of you reading this. After much thought and consideration, I have decided I want to honor and celebrate Mary's first birthday and "angelversary" by spreading kindness and love. Our world is a dark and dreary place so often these days. I would love for everyone to do a simple random act of kindness during the next month in honor of Mary Margaret. It doesn't have to be anything big, just small things to bring love and kindness to others around you. If and when you do, would you write a quick sentence or two and email it to me or Facebook message it to me? I want to start collecting them and read them with Sam on her birthday. I will print them out and NOT read them until her birthday. I know Mary made a huge impact on the world last year, and I'm not ready for that to stop. It would make her birthday extra special. I will put them in a special book and share them with Benjamin and future sisters and brothers someday. I know random acts of kindness are supposed to be anonymous most of the time, but we would love to have some happy things to read on her birthday. If you aren't comfortable doing that, would you write a sentence or two sharing a memory of Mary you remember from over the last year. I know that also sounds funny, but I know someone has something special to say. We say thank you in advance for honoring and celebrating our Mary with us.

Below are a few of my favorite pictures of her and our journey with her. I haven't shared any lately, so I thought it was time! We thank God daily for the opportunity he gave us to be Mary's parents. We praise Him for getting us through 11 months so far. We thank Him for continuing to bless our marriage so that Benjamin is brought into a happy, healthy family where he is loved deeply and will be brought up knowing of his big sister, but also as a unique and precious child of God. We will continue to praise Him through the next month and the hard days that are bound to come as emotions and memories resurface.